Too much gin, very little bucket
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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