So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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