I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
