Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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