Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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