i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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