it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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