you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
