And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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