I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
