True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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