i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
