Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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