I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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