the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
