Swine flu. Run for my life!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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