I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
