the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
