She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
