you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
