You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
