I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
