Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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