He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
