Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
