I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
