My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize