I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize