you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize