I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
