i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
do herpes really smell.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
