Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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