if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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