Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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