If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
