i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
