well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
