nut hugger
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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