i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
