Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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