Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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