I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
