my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
