The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
