I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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