My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
