took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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