I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize