Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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