areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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