And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
