Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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