Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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