I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
not ubering you a puppy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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