i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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