So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
