believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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