S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
