Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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