I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
