I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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