I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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