i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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