enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
my poor anus
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
