need another drink. this is the easiest way
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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