is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
