Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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