haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
