I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
