That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
